I just pynch a tree in the face
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
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