The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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