hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize