I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize