Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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