In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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