i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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