Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
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Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
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I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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