The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
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i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
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The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize