I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
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And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
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Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
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