also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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