So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
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My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
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You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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