you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
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