you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize