You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
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She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
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and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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