Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize