Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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