So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
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He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
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I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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