Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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