On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
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Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
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I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
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