You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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