I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
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I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
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I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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