just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
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Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
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Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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