This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
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