Have you finally orgasmed yet?
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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