Pants 0. Shit 1.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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