piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
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So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
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You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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