you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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