bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
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the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
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I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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