At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
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