remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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