the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
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Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
My life is pants optional.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize