He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
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