We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
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I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
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I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
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