GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize