yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
well I can't set my house on fire every night
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
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