he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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