i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize