Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
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I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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