At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
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Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
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I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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