he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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