I can tuck mytits in my pants
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize