Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
its liver damage thursday
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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