My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
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you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
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Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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