Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
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i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
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So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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