Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
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the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
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Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
i think i just lost a toe
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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