ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
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Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
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Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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