Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
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It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
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I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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