oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
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Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
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There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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