So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
you would pick up someone in the library
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
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As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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